Mom says Give in To Win..

What is life without a fight? Our life is about the self and we indulge in it. We argue, fight and defend. When it comes to making a point we love to be on top! It gives our ego a boost and we relish another battle conquered. Humans are byproducts of their own egos and cannot do without outwitting one another. Emboldened by the prospect of triumph, we refuse to step down. Those discomforted or hurt by our careless and callous attitude tend to move away from us or even resent us behind our backs. But to win each time would mean a lonely life.

Amid the pandemic our living situation with our families could be described as becoming too close for our comfort! Why so? With everyone locked down under one roof we were constantly in each others cross hairs. The result was unavoidable situations where we ended up having quarrels even over the slightest criticism.

Fresh off the boat from a tiff, I was contemplating a response because someone had offended me. My mother saw that I had been twitching and was clearly upset. Hearing me unconsciously talking to myself, she said, "Is there any point in who said what? Just say sorry." My mother taking someone's side was not acceptable to me. Before I could finish explaining the context she gave me a reassuring look and said,

"You will win, if you just learn to give in."

What hack was this? Like an allergic itch it kept bothering me for an hour. It was unimaginable how forfeit results in victory yet here she was suggesting I settle. At first I was annoyed, then after a lot of thought I dissuaded myself from speaking anything hurtful. Instead I resolved to apologize. It takes more than words for us to give in. Our entire being has to be devoted to this action for it to release the energy it's capable of.

Later that day I wasn't at the receiving end of any weight thrown around. Without any references to our differences the topic ceased to exist. Did reverse psychology really manage to mess around with anyone's head? I laughed albeit in my head.

The next day I told my Mom how her advice had been reformative. I had expected gloating but was taken back when nothing of the sort happened. I told her how I accepted defeat. She corrected me, "You win too! You won affection and respect because you did not choose your pride! Anura, always the relation is far more important than the conflict."

I admit this. It warps our mind to admit defeat, so we endeavour to outshine. But my mother's intervention to practice HUMILITY, helped me gain a new perspective. Our relations, no matter which one, whether it be with our spouse, our parents, our in-laws, our children and even our friends; they all are far more savoury than the sourness we indulge in while feeding our ego. So, unless we decide to back down, we cannot win hearts along the way.

With humility we can mould the most grinding situation. It does not mean we don't care for our self, it means we care enough! When we surrender our ego we also give the other person a chance to emulate the same. And how my mother's words rang true! A few days later I had a squabble with my partner and I was astonished to see him give in. When he gracefully settled, he won my admiration. I was left feeling that I had been harsh and wishing that I should have been the first one to make amends.

All our relations are based on the premise of give and take, if we are inclined to be humble and giving then others would appreciate and follow the same. On the contrary, if we are leaning towards being difficult we will only face disappointment. When we apologize and reconcile it does not make us smaller, rather it becomes a reflection of our sincerity to reconnect!